Monday, July 12, 2010

Wanted Sexmate Ad Promotes Office Hilarity

I was crazy mad when I discovered that someone posted my number in OLX. A site where people can exchange stuff, sell stuff and peddle their numbers for a cheap sexual thrill. I may offend some people who are fervent believers of this website. But guess what, I don't care.

Can you read the underlined part in the picture above? The ad has since been taken down after I reported it last night. However, because of that magical phenomenon called caching, part of the content still remains when you would Google my number. And since it has been prostituted already, I don't give a rat's ass about giving it away to my Facebook and blog friends. I mean, what's the worse thing that can happen after "Hi, pwd u mit 4 sex? We cn do z car"?

Of course I have a prime suspect. And she's ugly. That's all I can say about that. I gag at the use of "pue" for "po" and I choke at the ad's coup de grace, the line that pulls 'em all in: "i jst luv s*x sZo much! hehe"

But the hilarity of the situation slowly crept in by morning. Men are so predictable. Nay, men can be so stupid sometimes. It does help to have only one head, if you know what I mean. Having two is like...well, I don't know what it's like. But by the looks of the messages I got from them, and the 163 calls I received so far, it can't be good.

Let me share some (all verbatim):

hi,i'm nhoy from dasmarinas,cavite 5'9 ang height ko and 40 yrs old well experienced gentleman lover

*officemates heckling laughter*

hey...good morning...just got out of the shower...wanna meet up?

(this was at 4:30am. and I was like, huh? connection?)

Mrning. nkkpgsex k b talag? im jhap 30yo

*laugh out fucking loud*

Hi, saw ur ad sa olx. U love sex so much? I also do, n i'm very good at sex. 5'10" gudluking guy here even not that handsome but still very presentable, clean decent guy. Wanna try? I can make u moan 4 sure

(goodlooking but not very handsome. groundbreaking.)

Dont u have a proper manner? U asked me to call u then u r keep on rejecting my call? What is this? Joking?

(guy called me as the ad said and i kept on rejecting the call. i love the "what is this? joking?" part)

Goodness. Men are so funny.

Of course there are the pa-awa guys:

"i jst nid a frnd. mybe u can b a frnd to m"

(yeah you were looking for a friend and chose the one who posted a wanted sexmate ad)

And the memorable calls which go:

Ems: Hello?
Schmuck: Hello? Hello?
Ems: Sino 'to?
Schmuck: hihihihi (giggling like a fucking girl!)
Ems: Asshole. *Hang up*


Ems: Hello?
Schmuck 2: Hi, naghahanap ka raw sexmate?
Ems: Ows? Sino nagsabi?
Schmuck 2: Sa OLX
Ems: Close kayo?
Schmuck 2: hehehehe
Ems: Sorry, di ako nagpost nun. May galit lang ata sakin. I'm not interested.
Schmuck 2: so naghahanap ka raw sexmate?
Schmuck 2: hehehehehe
Ems: *roll eyes* *hang up*

It's a little difficult to deal with the situation. I wonder how many websites who aggregate data like phone numbers have already spidered my information away into other sites. How many classifieds websites now list my number? It's easy to change my number, the same way it's easy to just keep on rejecting calls from unknown numbers. But that's not really an option for me. I work part time as a freelance writer and many of my jobs come from people who are not in my phonebook. Also, I've had this number since high school and I am not going to part with it simply because some jejegirl from Paranaque wants to give me hell.

I will wait for these morons to stop calling and die down. Until then, I may even have a couple other posts up. Ciao!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Wind Chimes

In the Ayala Triangle Park, they set up like a trellis and hung up a bajillion wind chimes. Can you imagine how nice it sounds? How calming? I love passing through this part of the park.

I Own You, Suckka

Ok, so I took a picture of myself at the gym AFTER I pulled/strained a muscle. I just thought that it may have a better affect if I post a twisted version of before and after. haha

Anyhizzle, I am recovering from a strained shoulder. I really thought that I may have torn a muscle or a ligament or something because my shoulder and neck where really painful last Wednesday. I took the day off and got it checked (I went to Medical City, supeeerb service) and apparently, all I needed was to rest it and give it time to heal. So I've been out of the gym for a few days now. I'm missing it, seriously. It feels like there's something missing. I can't even do yoga. Not even running (technically I could, but it hurts when I swing my arms while running). I slapped on a couple of Kool Fever pads to help with the pain. Kool Fever feels so good. It really does cool you down.

Sad part is, I lost two pounds this week...but I'm concerned that I may be losing MUSCLE mass and gaining fat mass because I haven't been doing my weights routine. Did you know that you can lose weight when technically you are getting fatter? Or maybe the best way to describe it is that you're becoming fattier. I'd rather be 150 pounds but with little body fat instead of 120 pounds of flabbiness. I wish can say confidently that "Hey I lost 10 pounds" but that's not as easy a lot of people think. Did you know that losing 10 pounds means that you are visibly thinner? (I'm trying to pull a Kuya Kim moment here) It is also the equivalent of one dress size, more or less. So I'm not there yet.

Anyway, since I'm in the vicinity of the subject (the heck does that statement mean?? haha) here are some things I learned about dieting and weight management:

1. For women, 1500 calories per day is the way to go if you wanna lose weight. DO NOT go under 1200 calories unless you're in a doctor-supervised diet. Also, going under 1200 calories will make your body step on the brakes of your metabolism and slow you down. Slowing your metabolism is bad and I think you know that.

Actually, 1200-1500 calories is not bad and is filling, if you choose your food well. I usually have rice and fish for breakfast, then a banana and peanut butter or a packet of oatmeal cookies for midmorning, then whole wheat bread and tuna or chicken filling (I love buying a roasted chicken quarter and make a sandwich out of it) then maybe crackers and low fat yogurt in the afternoon. Fruits or veggies for dinner and maybe some tinola. I drink a 1.5L of green C2 or a Coke Zero and a loooooooooot of water. I don't feel unsatisfied at all, to my surprise.

2. Take smaller frequent meals than large meals. It keeps your metabolism humming all throughout the day.

3. Dairy is good. But choose low fat or non fat. I drink soy milk, no butter or cheese as much as possible, no mayo, and low fat yogurt. FIC (Fruits in Ice Cream)has a low fat and sugar free ice cream. We indulge in a pint occasionally. Not as good as normal ice cream, but good enough.

4. Stop treating yourself with food. Get a bag, a pair of shoes, or clothes instead. Allan indulges in girly magazines. Or save the money! If we do go out, we opt to go to "lutong bahay" places or those that are fine dining. The prices are higher (can't over-order) but the taste is better, so we still feel full and satisfied. Actually, we still bond over food, only healthier food.

5. Keep challenging yourself. To me it's an ego thing. Pushing myself. Why do I keep on trying to perfect those darned yoga poses? Because I don't want it to win. I don't want my cravings to get the best of me. It's an "I own you, suckka" kind of thing. If you get what I mean. Besides, why eat a donut when grapes taste sooo much better?

I'm happy to do this. I am so psyched!

Three Musketeers

Along with Cheetos, why did I discover 3 Musketeers only after 22 years? Whipped chocolate covered with chocolate. Simple and decadent and utterly yummy. It's technically candy, but I'm no snob. It's really, really good.

Now that we're dieting and all that, we can afford to eat it once a week, I just had one. I can die happy now. Haha

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I actually remember this guy after he clarified who he is...this is someone I knew from high school. Now while I do not hate him (he's actually kinda nice?) I hate the fact that he is jeje-infected. Nash, you brought this upon yourself. Next time you chat with me, think again. Ooops. Actually, you CAN'T chat with me again.

8:58am Nash

8:58am Me
who are you?

8:58am Nash

8:59am Me
i don't know anyone with isonfire last name

8:59am Nash

9:00am Me
dude you better tell me who you are before i delete you

9:00am Nash

9:01am Me
i remember
what's up

9:01am Nash

9:02am Me
ok lang
and i'm not kidding
i most of the time just add the people who add me

9:03am Nash

9:03am Me
but if you change your name and i don't recognize your name anymore, i delete you

9:03am Nash

9:03am Me
sira ba spacebar mo?? [FINALLY I REALIZE IT!!!]

9:03am Nash

9:04am Me
di ko maintindihan sinasabi mo
i only talk to people who know how to use a keyboard properly

9:05am Nash

9:07am Me
actually oo
and sayang dahil alam ko same teacher lang tayo sa english nung high school
and alam ko tamang english tinuro nya sa atin

9:12am Nash

so..what' masyado..i dont belong to your level..

anyway..good day..

9:12am Me

buti alam mo
this sooo going on my blog


[aba, sya pa may guts!]

Anyway, I appreciate the fact that he actually chatted up with me. But it's useless starting a convo with someone that way. A chat, while informal, is still a form of discourse. When I read his messages it's like "work (stop stop stop) ka (stop stop stop) na (stop stop stop). I can't help it. My eyes/brain are programmed to perceive those punctuation marks that way. I cannot just ignore them and say "Ah, ganun kasi sya magtype." I can't do it.

Not that he SHOULD type that way.

Maybe I would even tolerate (for old times' sake) the use of sticky caps. But not the text typing and the periods-for-space thing. Again, I just can't do it.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Tears for Fears Concert, May 2, 2010

So we went to the Tears for Fears concert. What can I say. I love them, I loved the concert and until now, I can still imagine when all the lights went out on Curt's cue after he sang the first verse and refrain of Mad World. I can still remember Roland's little speech "We have been to the Americas, to the desserts and Scandinavia, but Lord why haven't we thought of Manila." I remember how the people sang along and screamed after every song and how Roland had to cup his ears because he couldn't hear himself anymore.

I hate myself for procrastinating. I should have gotten the lower box seats when I had the chance. All that was left were the General Admission tickets (this was a week before the show) and I was forced to take them. Heck, I should have gotten tickets for the mosh pit.

But I really loved the concert. Or did I say that already. Some vids are on youtube and you can see the people having a grand ole time. Two things that were less than expected though: we front acts (Sandwich and Pupil) were godawfully dull. And we were seated next to a couple who seemed like they knew nothing about the band or the songs. We were all standing up singing along to Head Over Heels and Shout and they were seated eating popcorn like it was a damned movie.

Hoping Tears for Fears will be back soon!

Two Salads and Sushi

So we are cutting the carbs and loading up on the freshies. Right here is iceberg lettuce, carrots, corn, cucumber and tuna with a simple dressing of oil and lemon juice with some basil.

I really don't like iceberg, but in a pinch it'll do. I prefer romaine or arugula because they have more bite and hold up better to strong dressings which I love with all my stony heart. There's this brand of packaged greens that we always's good for four side servings or two main course servings for only around Php55. It has arugula, romaine, lolo rosso, butter lettuce and something else. Anyway, the dressing here is white wine vinegar, some sugar, some basil, salt and pepper.

OK so this is the salad where we used the veggie mix that I was juuuuust telling you about. This time it had celery, tomatoes, cucumber with a tangy sweet mango-yogurt dressing. All you have to do is to portion out the veggies, whisk mango puree or mash the pulp of one mango, add the yogurt, squeeze some lemon juice or vinegar if you like, then salt and pepper to taste. It was good!

And finally sushi. I bought a container of this from a Manang who comes to the office. They were, to my utmost surprise, very delicious! The fish was sooo fresh and the rice sticky and vinegary and the best I have tried so far. Not much to look at, but they were good and at 65 pesos for eight pieces, it was a steal!