Wanted Sexmate Ad Promotes Office Hilarity

I was crazy mad when I discovered that someone posted my number in OLX. A site where people can exchange stuff, sell stuff and peddle their numbers for a cheap sexual thrill. I may offend some people who are fervent believers of this website. But guess what, I don't care.

Can you read the underlined part in the picture above? The ad has since been taken down after I reported it last night. However, because of that magical phenomenon called caching, part of the content still remains when you would Google my number. And since it has been prostituted already, I don't give a rat's ass about giving it away to my Facebook and blog friends. I mean, what's the worse thing that can happen after "Hi, pwd u mit 4 sex? We cn do z car"?

Of course I have a prime suspect. And she's ugly. That's all I can say about that. I gag at the use of "pue" for "po" and I choke at the ad's coup de grace, the line that pulls 'em all in: "i jst luv s*x sZo much! hehe"

But the hilarity of the situation slowly crept in by morning. Men are so predictable. Nay, men can be so stupid sometimes. It does help to have only one head, if you know what I mean. Having two is like...well, I don't know what it's like. But by the looks of the messages I got from them, and the 163 calls I received so far, it can't be good.

Let me share some (all verbatim):

hi,i'm nhoy from dasmarinas,cavite 5'9 ang height ko and 40 yrs old well experienced gentleman lover

*officemates heckling laughter*

hey...good morning...just got out of the shower...wanna meet up?

(this was at 4:30am. and I was like, huh? connection?)

Mrning. nkkpgsex k b talag? im jhap 30yo

*laugh out fucking loud*


Hi, saw ur ad sa olx. U love sex so much? I also do, n i'm very good at sex. 5'10" gudluking guy here even not that handsome but still very presentable, clean decent guy. Wanna try? I can make u moan 4 sure

(goodlooking but not very handsome. groundbreaking.)


Dont u have a proper manner? U asked me to call u then u r keep on rejecting my call? What is this? Joking?

(guy called me as the ad said and i kept on rejecting the call. i love the "what is this? joking?" part)

Goodness. Men are so funny.

Of course there are the pa-awa guys:

"i jst nid a frnd. mybe u can b a frnd to m"

(yeah you were looking for a friend and chose the one who posted a wanted sexmate ad)

And the memorable calls which go:

Ems: Hello?
Schmuck: Hello? Hello?
Ems: Sino 'to?
Schmuck: hihihihi (giggling like a fucking girl!)
Ems: Asshole. *Hang up*

and

Ems: Hello?
Schmuck 2: Hi, naghahanap ka raw sexmate?
Ems: Ows? Sino nagsabi?
Schmuck 2: Sa OLX
Ems: Close kayo?
Schmuck 2: hehehehe
Ems: Sorry, di ako nagpost nun. May galit lang ata sakin. I'm not interested.
Schmuck 2: so naghahanap ka raw sexmate?
Ems: Are you deaf? DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I SAID THE ENTIRE TIME?
Schmuck 2: hehehehehe
Ems: *roll eyes* *hang up*

It's a little difficult to deal with the situation. I wonder how many websites who aggregate data like phone numbers have already spidered my information away into other sites. How many classifieds websites now list my number? It's easy to change my number, the same way it's easy to just keep on rejecting calls from unknown numbers. But that's not really an option for me. I work part time as a freelance writer and many of my jobs come from people who are not in my phonebook. Also, I've had this number since high school and I am not going to part with it simply because some jejegirl from Paranaque wants to give me hell.

I will wait for these morons to stop calling and die down. Until then, I may even have a couple other posts up. Ciao!